Ok people better not diss me this time. I have two characters i'm using for this story ok three but i haven't finished the other one

Name/ Zero Starbreeze
Age/ 19
Height/ 6'1
Weight/ 165 lb

Apperence/ Has a Black Cape, with white shirt with chainmail armor under. Also has Black Leather Pants/armor. Also has a white headband with Black hair going down to his neck.

Personality/ Zero is a stubborn soul who can't wait to get in the battle. He is a very energetic young man with a tough ego to match. When Zero fights he sheds any niceness he has and goes all out versus the foe. When just plain doing nothing he can be very sensitive and nice. People find it hard that the Zero who fights and the Zero who does not fight are the same person.

Weapons/

Avenger: A holy sword strapped to his side apparently made from the heavens.The sword's Blade metal is pure white but still made out of pure iron and has a Picture of an angel on each side. The Hilt of the sword is a more darker white although still the same. It posesses Holy abilitys that can be unlocked with deep prayer and belief. Allows Zero to use a few abilities of light.

Oblivion: A evil sword strapped to his back, made by Hades himself. The sword's blade is pure black but the blade is still made of iron. The hlt is also black but a more brighter form of black. Posesses Dark abilitys and can be unlocked with a strong heart. When Zero fights he has his Avenger in his right hand and Oblivion on his left.

Zero Rings: Two rings. One floating around each arm around the elbow. Thesee rings are of medium length and are just non-elemental rings enchanted with a Permanant Gravity charm. These rings are very sharp but does not harm Zero, the user. The rings appear when Zero calls their names which is simply Zero Rings.

Weapons In Half-Angel Half-Devil Form/

Omega Buster: When Zero can risk most of his life energy he can combine his two swords and chant "I call apon thee omega give me strength!!!" He'll instantly gain a amazing sword called Omega Buster. This magical sword's colors warp from black to white, flowing with holy and dark energy. This sword requires two hands and Zero has to be in his half-angel half-devil form.

Weapons In Angel Form/

Alexander's Wrath: A long sword of average size and length and the color of the blade metal and hilt is white. The blade has mystic holy abilities and it allows Zero to use a little Wht Mage abilities. Also sword has 3 angel decors on each side. The sword is strapped to Zero's back, and is easily accessed by Zero's right hand.

Alexander's Bow: A bow the size of a average bow although the arrows are dipped in holyness. when Zero calls the name of the bow it instantly materializes in Zero's hands and the sword disappears and arrows appear on Zero's back inside a quilt. The bow and arrow has angel decors on it


Background/ Zero's parents have neen unkwown to him for a long time, even at an older age, mainly because Zero has started to forget them day after day. When Zero was 3 his mom had gave birth to another child named Ahijid. Zero and Ahijid have been very close, and both act very brotherly to each other. They had both got training by their parents and learned the ways of fighting. Zero learned how to fight and defend people with a sword from his dad. Ahijid learned how to fight and use magic with a staff from his mom. When Zero turned 19 and Ahijid turned 16, Zero's dad gave Zero a sword. HIs dad explained that the sword was mystic and that was made by the heavens. Around this time complete chaos began. A clan of thieves burned the town to the ground and Zero and Ahijid couldn't save their parents who died in the flames. Zero got angry and killed some bad guys and kept killing. Zero had killed many that day and at that time gained another sword, a sword of evil called Oblivion. Both Zero and Ahijid had nowhere left to go and both had taken their seperate ways to find out the truth about them. That's how they forgot their parents. They never hought about them for a long time.

Ascention/

-Half-angel Half Devil---Zero must be near death and must have both swords at his disposal. He must sacrifice about all his life energy, his body will shine and his face will transform. After a blinding light Zero will be shown with long White hair and black eyes, Still White Skin, A White Angel Wing coming out of his left side and a black devil wing coming out of his right. He'll have a sword called Omega Buster. Also in this form Zero is able to fly and use the most powerful abilitys he can use. If Zero gets really and I mean REALLY beaten down in this form he'll transform back into his old form, most likely dead.

-Whole Angel---Can only change into this form when in Half-Angel Half-Devil form. When transforming, the devil wing will shine and turn white and transform completely into a angel wing, Zero's eyes will turn from black to white and his long white hair will turn brighter. Zero gains two new weapons after this. Also Zero's shirt reappears white and has angel decor on the middle.

Name/ Kiros Stormer
Age/ 29
Height/ 5"9
Weight/ 171 lb
Race/ 3/4 Human 1/4 Klausian

Appearence/ Easily Recognized by his Red Eyes, Red Ponytail going down to his neck, and a scar going down his left eye. He wears a black robe with Red outlines that covers his body halfway down below the knees. Also wears ordinary black shoes and a belt that holds his Katana and Jitte. He also wears wears unusual brown gloves that have mysterious symbols on them.

Class/ Slasher

Statistics/ With the 1/4 Klausian genes, Kiros strength is amazing. And also being a swordsman and learning to swordplay has got him used to moving around, thereby his speed is good as well. Also his defense is good thanks to the Jitte and Defensive Stance. Basically he is your above average human.

Background/ A mysterious and dark soul, Kiros is an enigma with a calm personality. When he was a little younger he went through experiments to up human strength but none had work. The scientists who are doing this to him captured someone, of a different race. It looked like a human but it wasn't. Since studying it, or him would take over their lifetime (FF7 Flashback) they tried to mix its genes with Kiros. It mixed about a fourth of the Klausian's Genes into him but what they did not know is that Klausians had amazing strength. Kiros's muscles got stronger and he was able to break out of the test tube. HE went insane from the experiment and killed the scientists. Feeling confused and hurt, he left his town. He is searching...for his true identity.

Personality/ A misunderstood soul, Kiros is mysterious and quiet and wanders the lands, traveling by himself. This shows his quiet and alone nature. In battle, Kiros is calm and defensive, but can also be quite dangerous, he is not one to be trifled with.

Stances/

Jitsu: This stance is mainly defensive and Kiros made it himself. He carries Wrath in the right hand and holds it so it faces outward. He holds his Katana, SpiritCrusher with his left hand near his side in a normal fashion. He stands in like a flipped L and puts about 60/40 % pressure in his legs, the majority going into his right leg that's in the front. This stance allows Kiros to better defend himself and allows his to swerve Wrath to catch the opponent's weapon faster. Since he puts more pressure in his leg in front, he can launch himself forward for a good counter-attack.

Weapons/

SpiritCrusher: Seems to look like a regular Katana, but this katana is a bit longer, has a few marks on it, and is tougher thanks to how it is made of pure silver. This katana was given to Kiros by a cousin of his who said his father would want to give him this later on in life. This sword is very durable but it is harder to parry or block attacks. Also it is said to have some sort of amazing ability but Kiros does not know about it much less how to use it. Kiros has this strapped to his back, the hilt facing the left side so he can unsheath it easier. Uses it with his left hand.

Wrath: A basic Jitte used for defense manauvers and blocking attacks. The special thingy that catches the attack is carved and pointed so it allows close range piercing. That's why Kiros calls it Wrath. He bought it at a crummy weapon store and was out of shape but Kiros worked on it. It was finally completed and is now one of Kiros most favored weapons. Wrath is strapped to Kiros left side and uses his right hand with it.

MirageGloves: These are the brown gloves Kiros wears. These look like ordinary gloves/gauntlets but they have some sort of special charm that enhances Kiros's strength. These gauntlets were found on one of the dead scientist's body that Kiros somehow managed to kill. These were apparently used to contain the Klausian they captured. These gloves never leave Kiros's side and when they are Kiros is already amazing without them. The special symbols on the gloves are still unkwown to Kiros but in secret they hold....




My characters are actually a lot longer with attacks but i didn't bother. Well I'll start in about 1 to 3 days don't close this please

Prologue: New Beginnings

The two warriors, Zero and Kiros walked down the foggy pathway deep within the forest. Mist covered the ground and most of the area around them, going up to about their waist. There was also the fact that many trees surrounded them, blocking more of their vision, which only made the two more nervous. This area was filled with Thieves and the two had went out to clear the forest, for a decent fee of course. The bandits proved to be quite formidable, and also unleashed decent ambushes. All of a sudden, Kiros stopped and looked quickly behind him, putting a strong hand at the hilt of his weapon. Their was a slight rustling behind him, in the few bushes that stood in place near the trees. If there was something, it had the advantage and could strike Zero and Kiros without fear of counter attack.

Zero had stopped a few feet ahead of him, and turned his head a bit to eye his partner. He heard him stop, and asked softly. �What is it Kiros? Did you hear something?� Kiros looked at Zero and shrugged. His ponytail for his red hair is soaked, and all the hair was dropping down in his vision. He used his hand and brushed most of it to the side of his face, and his red eyes moved around, looking cautiously. �Well I thought I heard something, but the blasted rain pouring down along the way made all my hair droop down in my eyes. -started to flush a little- Do you see something up ahead Zero?�

Zero, who was practically shivering from the early rain, shook his head. He couldn�t concentrate very well anyways, his skin was as cold and numb as pure ice, not to mention the wound at his waist. But he could�ve sworn, just for at least a moment, sensed something up ahead. He wasn�t able to tell what was up ahead, but he had a eerie feeling that something dangerous was up ahead. He sighed. It was only a hunch of course, but his hunches somehow, always come true. And it seemed it would come true now, as something way far ahead caught his vision.

Zero gestured back torwards Kiros, who was a few feet behind him. He stopped and crouched low, starting to un sheath his katana. Zero also stood low, his right hand grasping the hilt of his holy sword Avenger tightly, and took a deep breath. The two warriors were starting to move forward, eyeing the misty road ahead. The mist would give them a little cover Zero thought, with a grin and a wince. At least he was thinking more strategically, unlike the first encounter at the entrance of the forest.

Flashback: 1 hour ago

�Whoa�� Zero stared at the forest in awe, standing as still as a board. Kiros, who stood behind Zero, cocked an eyebrow. �Its not that impressive, I mean�the bandits don�t help.� He said, looking at Zero. Zero halfway turned his head. �Well we�re eliminating them aren�t we?� Zero answered dimly, who was already walking partially into the forest. Kiros sighed and started to walk forward, until something caught his eye. �Zero wait!� he cried. But it was too late. One of the bandits, who had been hiding behind in the well covered trees and mist, jumped out from behind Zero and thrust something into his waist. Zero screamed in pain as he lurched forward, barely able to keep himself up.

The bandit released the weapon out of Zero, and cruelly smiled. He had a glimmering sliver dagger in his hand, which was now covered with red blood. But that was only the beginning, as another dagger wielding thief jumped out beside him. His dagger was glimmering in the faint sunlight, and both of them were leaping forward to finish Zero off. Zero shook off his dizziness long enough to roll forward, and draw Avenger. He swiftly turned around and parried the thieves blows, and smiled as he came forward and thrust his sword through one of the bandit�s stomach. He yelled and grunted as he fell to the ground, a red pool forming underneath his body.

The other bandit was off balance by the parry, and fell backwards into a tree. He readied his gleaming dagger in front of him, apparently ready to defend himself. But it didn�t work. Kiros dashed forward torwards him, his Jitte and Katana pointing forward. He leaped forward, and stabbed the weapons into the bandit�s stomach, and sprung forward back onto his feet, sheathing his Jitte as he did so. The bandit clutched his stomach with one hand as he started to pull himself up with his other, but his life ended before he could go anywhere, as Kiros quickly slit his neck. He fell to the ground, his lifeless eyes staring untold into the mist.

�Well that was lovely.� Zero said, leaning against a tree. He winced as he started to move, the dagger penetrated a minor part of his ribs. Kiros came up to him and stood to his side, ready to support his friend if needed. Zero brushed him away for a second, and brought his middle and index fingers up to his forehead. His eyes shut for a moment, then a green aura/glyph appeared beneath his feet. The energy healed some of the wound, mending one of the bones, but it still hurt a little. Zero laughed a little, much to Kiros�s astonishment. �What�s so funny?� Zero looked at him and gave a thumbs up. �Think there will be more death-defying action? We�ll take them down one, two, three.�

End Flashback.

A hand grasped Zero�s shoulder, and pulled him back. Zero turned his head around, and looked at Kiros. �What, what is�?� Kiros clasped his other hand on Zero�s mouth, and he went silent. Kiros then pointed torwards the way they were going. Much to Zero�s surprise, 3 bandits were talking to each other in front of the road. One of them were facing the two warriors, and would�ve noticed them, except they were concealed by the thick mist. Zero understood, and started to crawl behind a tree to his left. Kiros did the same, except to the right. When they were both concealed and protected by the oak trees, they figured the plan was a sneak attack.

Zero was never fond of sneak attacks, it was never his style. But now wasn�t the time to complain or to try risky attacks. If one of the bandits got away, they could warn others, and then there would be quite a bit of trouble, even for two humans that have a whole bunch of fancy, powerful moves.

Zero was directly behind the tree the bandits were near in a matter of seconds, and he started to un sheath his light blade. Apparently�a big mistake. A gleam of sliver was reflected off one of the bandit�s daggers, and it caught the eyes of the other two. They all turned around torwards the tree and Zero quickly ducked, his blade falling out of its sheath. Meanwhile on the other side, Kiros saw that the bandit�s were distracted. So now was the time to strike.

Kiros moved from where he was hiding and dashed forward, bringing out his katana. He leaped into the air and as one of the bandit�s turned to see what made footsteps, Kiros came down with a thump, the katana blade going through his skull. Blood flowed out freely as the bandit fell to the ground dead.

The other bandits held their daggers tightly, sweating uneasily as Zero came out from his hiding spot as well. He slashed one of the bandit�s in the chest horizontally, and that was not all. A shockwave of energy materialized from Avenger, and the beam went through deeper into the bandit�s stomach, and he screamed as he fell backwards into the sharp katana. His eyelids went up till only his whites shown and he slumped to the ground, lifeless.

The last bandit, who was surrounded, tried to trust his weapon into Zero�s heart, but he side-stepped easily out of the way. The bandit ended up cornered to a tree and disoriented. Kiros centered his mind and closed his eyes, and a faint color was shining off the blade. By the time the bandit recovered, it was too late. Kiros�s katana was shining a crimson color and he brought it down with a heavy grunt. The bandit screamed in pain and fell backwards torwards the tree. His organs were showing, at least, until he slumped forward.

Zero was taking deep breaths as he sheathed his swords, and said. �That was fun eh Kiros?� Kiros looked at Zero as he sheathed his sword. �I guess s---� Kiros started to kneel, and his right hand brushed against a bloody wound. It was a cut, and went in about 2 cm deep. Zero noticed this and calmly walked over and pressed his hand up to the wound. Kiros winced, but didn�t say anything as Zero shut his eyes. A green glyph appeared where the wound was and healed it completely, leaving only the blood stained clothes. Zero smiled as he got up and helped his partner up. �Thanks.� Kiros said. Zero nodded and said. �Why do you think they were stationed there?�

Kiros started to shrug, then pointed a finger. Zero turned and then, he understood. A big hilltop, which had a big cliff face the size of three Zeros, and a small stone barricade at the top. The whole area was grassy, and was surrounded by layers over layers of trees. Zero and Kiros instantly went silent and Zero made a signal for Kiros to check the hilltop. He nodded and both split up to see what they would find, after all, what better place to plan a ambush?

I must say it's a big improvement from your previous work. There are still some issues. For one, you need to use more pronouns. It seems quite repetitive when you use the characters' names too often.

You should also work on expanding your descriptions and making more distinction between speakers. Make your sentences longer and put more detail into what you're describing. Also, work on giving it a more dynamic feel. Vary your words more to keep from being redundant. There's plenty of synonyms in the english language to cover any situation.

And lastly, don't use words like "busted" in your descriptions. It looks amateurish.

Chapter 1: Ambush

Kiros climbed up the hilltop. It was small but was steep and Kiros had to keep his bearings in order not to fall off. It took him about 10 seconds to make to the top which then he saw it.Meanwhile Zero was stumbling down the small ledge and was on the ground. He looked around but nothing was in sight.

Zero walked further. He tried looking through the dense trees but them being so crowded and the fog made it a lot harder.Someone on the top of the hill was at the rock formation, with a bow and arrow in his hands and aiming it directly at Zero�s skull. Kiros quickly jumped torwards him yelling.

�Zero look out!� Kiros drew SpiritCrusher and had sliced the bandit�s thick skull, blood splattered to the ground as he fell. But the arrow was already launched at Zero�s head. Zero had heard Kiros yell and looked up torwards where he was when he saw a arrow being launched.

Zero quickly dived to the left and the arrow missed him by a fraction of an inch. Zero quickly recovered and drew his own swords at the same time 2 bandits appeared behind him. They had bow and arrows too and they were already about to shoot. Zero spun his swords really fast and when the arrows shot at him they quickly got grinded to little ashes.

As they were reaching for their quivers Zero teleported in front of them. He said nothing and Zero unleashed two shockwaves directly into their stomachs, making them tumble directly into trees. They both got knocked out and Zero smiled with achievement. But his smile soon dropped as more bandits, about 4 or 5, came from all sides surrounding Zero. �Kiros!!! Little help here!� �Well I�m kinda busy here too ya know?!� Kiros was serious. Some archers came out from trees and aimed arrows at him.

Kiros did not have as many special powers like Zero but he was sure as hell not letting these bandits take him down. They shot their arrows at him and Kiros jumped backwards while still facing them, torwards the small stone wall. The arrows passed by him but one lightly grazed his shoulder.Kiros landed smoothly on the wall and drawn his weapons.

The bandits dropped their bows and drawn daggers. They lunged at Kiros and he simply smiled and thought. �Wow these guys are dumb. They had a perfectly good plan and they dropped it. Sheesh.� Kiros jumped into the air and flipped over them and dropped behind one of them. Kiros slashed him across the neck and he quickly fell.

Kiros just as quickly jumped at another and horizontally slashed him across the back. Lot of blood shed and the other bandits had already thrusted their daggers at him. Kiros back flipped and had kicked one of them in the teeth, then rotated his body and leg kicking the other in the side of the face.

�Wow these guys aren�t so�.agggh!� A archer was secretly in the trees and had shot an arrow straight into Kiros�s chest. He stumbled backwards and saw he was drawing another arrow. Kiros flipped over the stone wall and had landed on a bandit Zero was fighting. He pulled out the arrow in pain as he tried to get up but he was stunned from the fall.

Zero was quite in a pickle. He was dueling two bandit warriors at once, they had short swords and Zero couldn�t get a shot on one of them as when he attempted to stab one bandit, the other would knock him back with the butt of the sword. It didn�t hurt much, but it did force Zero to back up. Zero managed to parry the blows and he said with a look in his eye. �well if you have any ideas now is the time!�

Kiros regained control and had to think fast. He concentrated his mental energy. He was hoping it would work. Spiritcrusher was started to glow then all of a sudden a crimson aura surrounded it.

Kiros quickly turned and let out a cry as he slashed the bandit closest to him. The bandit screamed as blood splattered, it was bloody and it was burning so badly that the bandit was knocked out. With him knocked out Zero parried another blow and then spun/rotated around and slashed the remaining bandit across the face, the blade slashing the eyeballs. The bandit fell down to the ground as his eyeballs had blood and stuff oozing out, the blade went really deep.

It seemed as if the fighting ended. Zero and Kiros panted loudly, their weapons the only things keeping them from collapsing. Zero managed to say with a weak grin. �well�.that was fun� Kiros looked at him and nodded. Both of them were exhausted, not hurt. Then, when all thought it was safe, a voice echoed out through the forest. �Well well well�.so you beaten my bandits�.� Zero immediately straightened up and yelled. �who�s There?�

A man stepped out of the shadows. When he did it took Zero and Kiros by surprise. He had a evil smile on his face and that was enough to send shivers down Zero�s spine. He said in a deep voice. �You must be pretty strong in order to survive versus that many bandits. But now your streak of good luck ends here.�

He drawn his Great-Axe from his back, it was dented and looked like it could fall off from the next swing. The leader himself was wearing the same clothing that the bandits were except his shirt was more torn up. Zero and Kiros did not expect this to be much of a fight�.but it was.

Before the leader attacked he said in a terrifying voice. �I am Yoshimitsu�.and you shall fall!� He luunged at the two young warriors. Zero jumped into the air and attempted to slam his swords down on Yoshimitsu�s head but he side-stepped to the right and attempted to hack Zero when he landed. Zero dodged it and teleported behind the leader. Zero had tried to stab the leader but Yoshimitsu was not a fool, he saw this being had special powers and he insantly rolled forward and let a diagonal slash on Kiros who had been dormant this entire time.

Kiros parried the blow but this Yoshimitsu was incredibly strong and the blow caused Kiros to tumble backwards, SpiritCrusher sliding away. Kiros felt himself pulling backwards as the bandit leader attempted to slam the axe down on him, Kiros lifted his legs outta the way and the axe created a sorta shockwave knocking Kiros into the cliff face. He was slammed directly into the cliff face and he fell to the ground with blood masked on his face.

Meanwhile Zero had once again combined his swords together to form an X and Zero unleashed X Slash on Yoshimitsu, a beam the form of an X attempted to take him down. It hit his back and he stumbled forward and his face whammed against the wall, more rocks fell from the top. Yoshimitsu got angry and then saw Kiros directly below him.

He attempted in hacking him once again but Zero had slammed Avenger right through his stomach and it went further right into the cliff. The axe vibrated in Yoshimitsu�s hands as it clashed with the blade that was sticking out of his stomach. He gasped as blood came out of his body and he couldn�t counter-attack.

Kiros found this the best opportunity and he managed to pull himself to where SpiritCrusher was and grabbed it. With a scream Kiros hacked Yoshimitsu�s skull. He fell to the ground, finally and when he fell a puddle of blood formed. Kiros barely was able to move his legs from being crushed by the weight of the leader and even after he couldn�t move. He was too tired and his face was masked with blood as well.

But that was the least of their troubles as the cliff was starting to violently shake and stones were falling from the stone barrier on the top. It was about to fall completely and cave in on the dead leader and Kiros. Zero grabbed Kiros and managed to tug him outta the way as the side of the hill caved in on the now dead Yoshimitsu. His axe the only thing left that was sticking out of the debree.

Zero grabbed it and then looked at Kiros. He was on one knee and was breatheing heavily. Zero walked up to him and extended his hand torwards him. A green symbological glyph appeared below Kiros and a green aura suddenly busted out. It healed most of Kiros�s wounds and the blood on his face.

�Thanks� Zero nodded. He said with a weak voice. �Well I guess we should head back to the village. And Get our reward.� Kiros smiled and chuckled at Zero's enthusiam and with that they made their way torwards the exit of the forest.

* * * * *

Someone was watching them from a nearby tree. She nearly fell off as she watched the two warriors beat the strong leader. She held a communicator in her hand and a voice spoke through it. �Alhandra report.� She held it up to her mouth and said. �The two warriors, Zero and Kiros, they have beaten the bandit leader Yoshimitsu and had cleared out the forest of bandits.� The voice did not speak for a bit, then said. �Come back to the site�.your job�s done for now.� �Yes sir�

She jumped off the tree and went off torwards the site.