Commissar
11-27-2014, 04:24 AM
Full thread name: Final Fantasy VII is the best ga-*BLAM* LIES AND HERESY, FFVII IS ONE OF THE WORST GAMES EVER
The name: Final Fantasy VII. DO YOU SEE HOW RIDICULOUS IT SOUNDS? if its number 7, then it can't be final. I don't know anyone who didn't immediately laugh at this fucking name so why didn't anyone involved in its development put their hand up, or does Squaresoft not have QA?
The Graphics: Obviously not very PS1 like. Even its 16-bit predecessors look better than this.
The Sound: Ditto, but the soundtrack (That Oratorio notwithstanding) would not be out of place on the SNES.
The Gameplay: Enough about style, lets talk about substance. This game has failed on both accounts. Final Fantasy VII is not compatible with with the dual analogue stick or dual shock controller. Battles are frustrating, they pop up at randomly and are turn based.
The Story: Absolutely nonsensical. YOU ARE CLOUD STRIFE A MEMBER OF A TERRORIST FACTION CALLED AVALANCHE WHICH IS TRYING TO STOP AN EVIL CORPORATION FROM OVER HARVESTING THE LIFESTREAM. THE LIFESTREAM IS WHAT KEEPS THE PLANET KNOWN AS GAIA ALIVE. AFTER YOU BLOW UP YOUR FIRST REACTOR YOU COME TO YOUR HIDEOUT CALLED 7TH HEAVEN A PUB RUN BY A GIRL NAMED TIFA (whose tits would be very sexy indeed if it weren�t for the game looking it was made on an Atari Jaguar) IN WHICH YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF MELODRAMA OVER SOME CHILDHOOD PROMISE CLOUD MADE. THE NEXT DAY AFTER YOU BLEW UP ANOTHER REACTOR YOU HAVE FIGHT A ROBOT WHOSE NAME IVE FORGOTTEN. IT EPLODES AND CUSE YOU TO FALL INTO A CHURCH GARDEN TENDED TO BY A WOMAN NAMED AERIS/AERITH WHOM YOU TAKE HOME ONLY TO COME ACROSS TIFA AS A SEX SLAVE FOR SOME REASON. THEN YOU RESCUE TIFA ONLY TO DISCOER THAT AERIS/AERITH HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED, SO YOU CLIMB UP A BUNCH OF DEBRIS TO GET TO THE HEADQUATERS OF SHINRA, THE EVIL CORPORATION IN QUESTION. YOU CLIMB UP THE STAIRS ON THE TOWER AND THEN TRY TO GET THROUGH A RIDICULOUSLY CROW-BARRED IN STEALTH SECTION. (pant, pant) at that point I gave up. Also don�t get me started on Aerith's death.
The game's only redeeming feature is the characters, or should I say prisoners. I am so sorry that this game happened to them. Of course, Whatever wasn�t obsolete in the first place has not aged well and you're probably thinking HEY THIS GAME IS GREAT, GO BACK TO CALL OF DUTY YOU TWAT. Well let me tell you something.
(cue Gabriel's war cry (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kMO7WSC9DM))
You are a heretic, a liar, a sinner. you represent not only everything wrong with the game industry, you're the reason why more bad games are made and less good ones. You are a drone of the former square organisation, now with an enix at the end. You hate quality, you hate logic, you hate common sense, you hate ludo-narrative integrity and you hate humanity. Now prepare to be purged.
*BLAM*
The name: Final Fantasy VII. DO YOU SEE HOW RIDICULOUS IT SOUNDS? if its number 7, then it can't be final. I don't know anyone who didn't immediately laugh at this fucking name so why didn't anyone involved in its development put their hand up, or does Squaresoft not have QA?
The Graphics: Obviously not very PS1 like. Even its 16-bit predecessors look better than this.
The Sound: Ditto, but the soundtrack (That Oratorio notwithstanding) would not be out of place on the SNES.
The Gameplay: Enough about style, lets talk about substance. This game has failed on both accounts. Final Fantasy VII is not compatible with with the dual analogue stick or dual shock controller. Battles are frustrating, they pop up at randomly and are turn based.
The Story: Absolutely nonsensical. YOU ARE CLOUD STRIFE A MEMBER OF A TERRORIST FACTION CALLED AVALANCHE WHICH IS TRYING TO STOP AN EVIL CORPORATION FROM OVER HARVESTING THE LIFESTREAM. THE LIFESTREAM IS WHAT KEEPS THE PLANET KNOWN AS GAIA ALIVE. AFTER YOU BLOW UP YOUR FIRST REACTOR YOU COME TO YOUR HIDEOUT CALLED 7TH HEAVEN A PUB RUN BY A GIRL NAMED TIFA (whose tits would be very sexy indeed if it weren�t for the game looking it was made on an Atari Jaguar) IN WHICH YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF MELODRAMA OVER SOME CHILDHOOD PROMISE CLOUD MADE. THE NEXT DAY AFTER YOU BLEW UP ANOTHER REACTOR YOU HAVE FIGHT A ROBOT WHOSE NAME IVE FORGOTTEN. IT EPLODES AND CUSE YOU TO FALL INTO A CHURCH GARDEN TENDED TO BY A WOMAN NAMED AERIS/AERITH WHOM YOU TAKE HOME ONLY TO COME ACROSS TIFA AS A SEX SLAVE FOR SOME REASON. THEN YOU RESCUE TIFA ONLY TO DISCOER THAT AERIS/AERITH HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED, SO YOU CLIMB UP A BUNCH OF DEBRIS TO GET TO THE HEADQUATERS OF SHINRA, THE EVIL CORPORATION IN QUESTION. YOU CLIMB UP THE STAIRS ON THE TOWER AND THEN TRY TO GET THROUGH A RIDICULOUSLY CROW-BARRED IN STEALTH SECTION. (pant, pant) at that point I gave up. Also don�t get me started on Aerith's death.
The game's only redeeming feature is the characters, or should I say prisoners. I am so sorry that this game happened to them. Of course, Whatever wasn�t obsolete in the first place has not aged well and you're probably thinking HEY THIS GAME IS GREAT, GO BACK TO CALL OF DUTY YOU TWAT. Well let me tell you something.
(cue Gabriel's war cry (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kMO7WSC9DM))
You are a heretic, a liar, a sinner. you represent not only everything wrong with the game industry, you're the reason why more bad games are made and less good ones. You are a drone of the former square organisation, now with an enix at the end. You hate quality, you hate logic, you hate common sense, you hate ludo-narrative integrity and you hate humanity. Now prepare to be purged.
*BLAM*