The Blackadder Radio Series
The Black Adder (Series 1)
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Tracklist
1-1 The Foretelling 15 June 1983
As the Wars of the Roses reach their climax, Edmund finds that he has accidentally killed the King and become a prince of the realm.
1-2 Born to be King 22 June 1983
Edmund plots revenge when Dougal McAngus, the King's Supreme Commander, is awarded Edmund's Scottish lands.
1-3 The Archbishop 29 June 1983
With the crown and church at each other's throats, the King decides that Edmund should become the new Archbishop of Canterbury.
1-4 The Queen of Spain's Beard 6 July 1983
Edmund is to be married to an ugly Spanish princess and tries everything to stop the wedding. First appearance of Miriam Margolyes.
1-5 Witchsmeller Pursuivant 13 July 1983
Edmund is suspected of being a witch by a mysterious witch-hunter and sentenced to death.
1-6 The Black Seal 20 July 1983
When all of Edmund's titles are removed except Warden of the Royal Privies, Edmund is furious and decides to seize the throne with the help of the six most evil men in the kingdom.
First appearance of Rik Mayall as Mad Gerald, though the character is credited as "himself".
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Blackadder II (Series 2)
Tracklist
2-1 Bells 9 January 1986
Blackadder employs a young man called "Bob" (who is actually a woman in disguise who ran away to get a legitimate job after her father suggested she become a prostitute) whom he finds himself attracted to, much to his dismay. Once he discovers that "Bob" is actually Kate, he plans to marry her, only to have her elope with his friend and best man, Lord Flashheart. Guest-starring Gabrielle Glaister as Kate and Rik Mayall as Lord Flashheart.
2-2 Head 16 January 1986
Blackadder is made Lord High Executioner and decides to change the execution schedule in order to give himself more free time. Unfortunately this brings him into conflict with the Queen's wishes.
2-3 Potato 23 January 1986
In the wake of Sir Walter Raleigh's triumphant return from America, and in an attempt to impress the Queen, Blackadder plans a voyage of his own around the Cape of Good Hope. Guest-starring Simon Jones as Raleigh and Tom Baker as Captain Redbeard Rum.
2-4 Money 6 February 1986
Blackadder is pursued by the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells over an unpaid loan and is forced to formulate ingenious ways to make money. Guest-starring Ronald Lacey as the Bishop.
2-5 Beer 13 February 1986
With the promise of a large inheritance in mind, Blackadder attempts to impress his fanatically Puritanical aunt and uncle, while simultaneously attempting to win a drinking competition. Guest-starring Miriam Margolyes as Lady Whiteadder and Hugh Laurie as Simon 'Farters' Partridge.
2-6 Chains 20 February 1986
Blackadder and Melchett are kidnapped by the German Prince Ludwig, a murderous master of disguise, and held to ransom. Guest-starring Hugh Laurie as Mad Prince Ludwig
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Blackadder The Third (Series 3)
Tracklist
3-1 Dish and Dishonesty 17 September 1987
The newly elected Prime Minister, Pitt the Younger, plans to bankrupt Prince George by striking him from the Civil List. With Parliament deadlocked, Blackadder devises a plan to have Baldrick elected as an MP in the rotten borough of Dunny-on-the-Wold and thus ensure the bill will be defeated. This episode lampoons British parliamentary politics, BBC election coverage and a corrupt British honours system.
3-2 Ink and Incapability 24 September 1987
To increase his intellectual standing, the prince decides to become patron of Dr. Johnson's new dictionary, much to Blackadder's disgust. However, Johnson is also planning to publish a novel written by Blackadder under a pseudonym, thus making him a millionaire. Matters are complicated, however, when Baldrick destroys the manuscript of the dictionary by burning it. Blackadder must devise a scheme to ensure that Johnson's dictionary, and thus his novel, are published. Robbie Coltrane makes a guest appearance as Dr. Johnson.
3-3 Nob and Nobility 1 October 1987
The Scarlet Pimpernel is the hero of the age. Blackadder, irritated by the new obsession with all things French, decides to cash in on the new craze. Attempting to emulate the elusive Pimpernel, Blackadder accepts a bet to rescue a French nobleman and collect a handsome reward. His plans go awry, however, when he and Baldrick are captured and have to escape from the clutches of the French revolutionaries. Former cast member Tim McInnerny returns as a guest star, as well as fellow comic Chris Barrie.
3-4 Sense and Senility 8 October 1987
After an assassination attempt is made on the prince by anarchists, the prince hires two actors to help him improve his image and help him deliver a speech. Out of favour with the prince, Blackadder vows to leave his service but instead returns in time to discredit the actors by accusing them of plotting to assassinate the prince and thus reclaim his place in the household.
3-5 Amy and Amiability 15 October 1987
On discovering that the prince has lost his money playing cards, Edmund attempts to marry him off to Amy Hardwood, the daughter of a rich northern industrialist. Acting as middle man in the courtship, Blackadder eventually discovers that Amy's also broke. However, it is also revealed that Amy is in fact The Shadow, a notorious highwayman, and Blackadder hatches a scheme to make himself rich. Former cast member Miranda Richardson returns as a guest star playing Amy.
3-6 Duel and Duality 22 October 1987
The Prince incurs the wrath of The Duke of Wellington by spending a night with his nieces. Wellington vows to kill the prince in a duel, leaving Blackadder to formulate a cunning plan to substitute his own Scottish cousin, MacAdder, for the Prince in the duel. When this plan falls through, however, Blackadder must swap places with the Prince and fight the duel himself. Stephen Fry guest stars as the Duke of Wellington.
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Blackadder Goes Fourth (Series 4)
Tracklist
4-1 Captain Cook 28 September 1989
When Field Marshal Haig unveils his new strategy to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin, Blackadder volunteers to be an Official War Artist, not realising that a commission to paint a cover for thoroughly absorbent propaganda magazine King and Country is just a ruse for a highly-dangerous secret mission. Can Baldrick's plan to become Melchett's chef save him, and how much custard can one cat produce?
4-2 Corporal Punishment 5 October 1989
Despite problems with communications, orders for another mission arrive and Blackadder breaches regulations by eating the messenger. With George as his lawyer in a court martial, and with only one night to live, can the Flanders pigeon murderer avoid death by firing squad using Baldrick's smuggled escape kit? Guest starring Jeremy Hardy as Corporal Perkins and Stephen Frost as Corporal Jones.
4-3 Major Star 12 October 1989
With everyone talking about the famous comedian Charlie Chaplin, Blackadder volunteers to organise a variety show in the hope that it will be shifted to the London Palladium. Unfortunately, Melchett has fallen in love with his leading lady, the fair Georgina (George dressed as a woman). Guest starring Gabrielle Glaister as Private "Bob" Parkhurst.
4-4 Private Plane 19 October 1989
Despite Blackadder's loathing of the arrogant flying ace Lord Flashheart, Blackadder, Baldrick and George volunteer to join the Royal Flying Corps unaware that their nickname the "Twenty Minuters" refers to their average life expectancy. After Blackadder and Baldrick crash their plane behind enemy lines, they are captured by the Germans (including a rather camp Baron von Richthofen) and must prepare for a fate worse than death. Guest starring Rik Mayall as Lord Flashheart and Adrian Edmondson as Baron von Richthofen.
4-5 General Hospital 26 October 1989
A game of "I Spy" goes terribly wrong when a bomb strikes Blackadder's bunker and injures George, leaving him in the care of the kindly Nurse Mary at the field hospital. After Melchett and Darling inform Blackadder that there is a German spy in the hospital giving away their battle plans, Blackadder and Darling are sent undercover. Guest starring Miranda Richardson as Nurse Mary Fletcher-Brown and Bill Wallis as Sir Bernard Proudfoot-Smith.
4-6 Goodbyeee 2 November 1989
Millions have died but the troops have advanced no further than "an asthmatic ant with some heavy shopping". Now, at last, the 'final' big push looms, and Blackadder is willing to try anything to avoid it. Will putting a pair of underpants on his head and shoving two pencils up his nose get Blackadder invalided back to Blighty? Guest starring Geoffrey Palmer as Field Marshal Sir Douglas Haig.
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Tracklist
Blackadder's Christmas Carol
Ebenezer Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson), the Victorian proprietor of a "moustache shop", is the nicest man in England. He is everything that Ebenezer Scrooge was by the end of the original story; generous and kind to everybody, and sensitive to the misery of others. As a result, everybody takes advantage of his kindness, and all but Mr. Baldrick (Tony Robinson) view him as a victim, although even he is slightly more cynical than his ancestors. His business turns no profit, all his earnings going to charity and to con artists, and he lives a lonely, miserable life.
One Christmas Eve, Blackadder's destiny changes when the Spirit of Christmas (Robbie Coltrane) makes the mistake of calling round to congratulate him for his ways. The spirit lets him see shades of the past: his ancestors Lord Blackadder and Mr. E. Blackadder, Esq., the butler of the Prince Regent (Hugh Laurie). Instead of being convinced that he is better than them, he grows to admire them and their wit and asks the spirit to show him what could happen if he became like them. He sees a vision of a distant future where his distant descendant Grand Admiral Blackadder is a successful, if ruthless, official of a Universe-spanning Empire, with Baldrick as a thong-wearing slave, about to marry the similarly ruthless and insanely ambitious Queen Asphyxia XIX after getting rid of her Triple husbandoid. Blackadder asks the Spirit what will happen if he stays kind. As an answer, he sees an alternate vision of the same future era where his descendant is a semi-naked thong-wearing slave of the incompetent Admiral Baldrick.
Blackadder makes his decision, proclaiming, "Bad guys have all the fun." He wakes up a different man: bitter, vengeful, greedy for money, and insulting to everyone he meets (technically letting out all of the anger he had kept bottled up while his compassion had always backfired in his face, now with sufficient justification). Although he is now more in control of his life, he misses a golden opportunity when he insults two strangers who had come to reward him for his reputed generosity. These are Queen Victoria (Miriam Margolyes) and her Prince Consort, Albert (Jim Broadbent) who were about to award him �50,000 and the title of Baron Blackadder for being the nicest man in England, they leave without doing so after being ridiculed by Blackadder. The episode ends with Blackadder, while sitting down to an extravagant Christmas dinner with Baldrick, looking startled when he is told the victims of his brushing-off were the royal couple after Baldrick shows the royal seal.
Blackadder The Cavalier Years
The episode begins in November 1648. King Charles I of England, Scotland and Ireland have already lost the Civil War. Only two men remain loyal to him: Sir Edmund Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson), the sole descendant of the Blackadder dynasty at the time, and his servant Baldrick Esq (Tony Robinson). They have given refuge to the King in Blackadder Hall, where he is hiding in a thorn bush, having assured him that he is as likely to be caught "as a fox being chased by a pack of one-legged hunting tortoises". Sir Edmund remains loyal because as a known royalist he sees the King's survival as his only hope of survival. He also fears the spread of Puritanism, full of moral prohibitions (as he describes it, the Puritans will "close all the theatres, lace handkerchiefs for men will be illegal, and I won't have a friendly face to sit on this side of Boulogne!"). During Sir Edmund's short absence, Oliver Cromwell (Warren Clarke) himself arrives at Blackadder Hall, accompanied by a number of his Roundheads — supporters of the Parliament of England. Baldrick attempts to deny knowing the King's whereabouts, but blows the gaff when he asks Cromwell later to put down a cup, "because it's the king's".
The second scene takes place in the Tower of London, two weeks later. King Charles's prayers are interrupted by two subsequent visits. The first is from Cromwell who warns him of his doom and the second by Sir Edmund, disguised as a priest. He informs the King that he is planning the King's escape. While Sir Edmund is still there, the King receives a notice that he has been sentenced to death. (This occurs in late November or early December 1648 within the context of this episode, though historically the death sentence came on 27 January 1649.)
As 29 January 1649 arrives and his execution approaches, King Charles is again visited by Sir Edmund. Though his plans for an escape haven't materialised, he informs the King that there is still some hope. The Parliament has yet to find a man willing to be the King's executioner. Charles, rather philosophically, proclaims that he isn't looking forward to his execution but "It's a question of balance, isn't it? Like so many other things" (Charles, played by Stephen Fry, is very much a pastiche of his modern day namesake the Prince of Wales). Sir Edmund proceeds to assure Charles that no one would dare to become the King's executioner. Just as he says that, the King receives a notice that they found his executioner.
Back at Blackadder Hall, Baldrick is singing happily as Sir Edmund proclaims his life to be in ruins. While Baldrick informs him that he has accepted a job, Sir Edmund wonders who could be so utterly without heart and soul, so low and degraded, as to behead the King of England. As his own words sink in, he questions Baldrick, who admits that it was he who accepted the position. (Historically King Charles' executioner was Richard Brandon.) Baldrick explains to the understandably enraged Blackadder that he has a cunning plan to save the King. He presents Sir Edmund with a huge pumpkin, poorly painted to represent a human face. He plans to place it on the King's head and chop it instead. Sir Edmund dismisses the plan, as Baldrick will have to hold the monarch's head in front of the crowd, and criticises Baldrick's stupidity ("Your head is as empty as a eunuch's underpants"). Baldrick, though saddened, says that at least the money, �1000, is good. At this, Sir Edmund's greed awakens, and he proceeds to take the money from Baldrick, announcing that he will replace him as the executioner, saying it needs somebody who actually has an axe. (From this point Sir Edmund, who has hitherto shown uncharacteristic touches of conscience, behaves like a typical Blackadder.)
30 January 1649, King Charles' day of execution, arrives. King Charles is left alone for a few minutes with his executioner (Sir Edmund in a hood and with a false voice). Sir Edmund takes advantage of these minutes to relieve the King of his remaining wealth: however, the King eventually recognises him, but mistakes Blackadder's intentions and congratulates him for trying to save him even at the last minute, before giving him custody of his infant son, the later King Charles II of England, Scotland and Ireland. (Historically he was 19 years old at the time of his father's death.) As he cannot explain his betrayal to the King, Sir Edmund panics and uses the plan that Baldrick had suggested earlier. The camera then focuses on Baldrick, who is listening to the sounds of the execution. Sir Edmund chops the pumpkin and proclaims that "This is the head of a traitor". Predictably enough, the crowd answers him, "No, it's not! It's a huge pumpkin with a pathetic moustache drawn on it!". Sir Edmund apologises and says he will try again. Baldrick continues to listen as Sir Edmund Blackadder beheads King Charles I and the crowd cheers.
As the last scene begins, Sir Edmund and Baldrick have returned to Blackadder Hall. A disgusted Blackadder cradles the infant Charles in his hands. Baldrick tries to console him by saying that at least he tried and that now the future of the British monarchy lies fast asleep in his arms in the person of this infant prince. He suggests to his master that he should be ready to escape to France, because as a known Royalist he is in danger of being arrested by the Roundheads and beheaded. Sir Edmund, who apparently had forgotten that he is in danger, immediately rises from his seat, ready to take action. But it is too late; Roundheads are already at the Hall's doors demanding his surrender. Sir Edmund explains to Baldrick that there is no choice for a man of honour but to stand and fight, and die in defence of his future sovereign. However, as a Blackadder, he was never a man of honour. Passing the prince to Baldrick, he proceeds to remove his long black hair (which was apparently a wig), his false moustache and beard, to reveal a Roundhead appearance – short blond hair and a clean-shaven face. Thus unrecognisable, when a Roundhead (likely to be Cromwell) enters the room he denounces Baldrick as "royalist scum". The episode ends with a hapless Baldrick, still holding the Prince in his arms, being approached by the Roundhead, sword drawn.
Blackadder Back and Fourth (1999 New Year Special)
The film opens at Blackadder Hall where the present day Lord Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson) is entertaining guests on New Year's Eve, 1999. As a scam, Blackadder informs them he has invented a working time machine and wagers �10,000 each that he can bring back anything they ask for. His guests – Archbishop Melchett (Stephen Fry), Archdeacon Kevin Darling (Tim McInnerny), Viscount George (Hugh Laurie) and Lady Elizabeth (Miranda Richardson) – announce that, if Blackadder is to win, he must bring back a genuine Roman centurion's helmet, the actual wellingtons worn by the Duke of Wellington on the day he won the Battle of Waterloo, and a really smelly pair of 200-year-old underpants. Blackadder intends to scam his guests by dredging the items from his personal store. However, he is stunned to discover that the time machine, built by Baldrick (Tony Robinson) after plans by Leonardo da Vinci, actually works.
The pair first land in the Cretaceous Period, where they are attacked by a massive Tyrannosaurus. Baldrick uses his underpants to beat back the dinosaur, who takes one sniff and falls over dead. Lord Blackadder muses, "Fascinating. One of history's great mysteries solved. The dinosaurs were, in fact, wiped out by your pants." When attempting to reset the dials to return to the present, Baldrick reveals that this is impossible, as he never got round to writing the dates on them.
After configuring the dials on instinct, Blackadder and Baldrick land back at Blackadder Hall at the court of Queen Elizabeth I, with Nursie (Patsy Byrne) and Lord Melchett at her side (in homage to Blackadder II). The Queen, mistaking him for his ancestor, Lord Blackadder, decides that "Edmund" is not grovelling enough and orders his beheading, unless he has a present for her. Blackadder first offers a supermarket loyalty card, upon which the Queen screams, "Kill him!" He then offers her a Polo mint, which the Queen proclaims to be "the tastiest thing in the history of the world". She rewards him with her crown, then orders him away to bring back more mints on pain of having his head crushed "like an egg".
On his way back to the machine, Blackadder literally runs into William Shakespeare (Colin Firth). After giving the Bard a ballpoint pen and receiving his autograph, Blackadder punches him in the face, remarking, "That is for every schoolboy and schoolgirl for the next four hundred years!" Blackadder tells Shakespeare that his plays are nothing but people "in stupid tights... talking total crap," then kicks him in vengeance for Kenneth Branagh's "endless, uncut, four-hour version of Hamlet". Stunned, Shakespeare asks, "Who's Ken Branagh?" Blackadder smugly retorts, "I'll tell him you said that, and I think he'll be very hurt!"
Then, Blackadder returns to the machine and tries very hard to remember how the dials were set. He then sets the dials and is happy until the time machine materializes into a space battle. Blackadder quickly realizes that they may have gone too far and resets the dials again. After that, Blackadder and Baldrick land in Sherwood Forest and are captured by Robin Hood (Rik Mayall, in similar character to Lord Flashheart). However, Robin is horrified when Blackadder begins rattling off the flaws of his lifestyle. Blackadder smugly reminds the Merry Men that they face certain death if they're caught, live in total squalor in the forest with no toilet facilities, yet give all they steal to the poor, who do nothing but "sit on their backsides," waiting for the next cash installment. Enraged, the Merry Men promptly shoot Robin full of arrows. Then Maid Marian (Kate Moss), smitten by the "gorgeous" Blackadder, proceeds to have sex with him. Baldrick later comments that "poof in tights" Will Scarlet was equally friendly. Before leaving, Blackadder takes Robin's hat as a trophy.
A further attempt to reconfigure the dials results in the time machine landing at the 1815 Battle of Waterloo. After the machine squashes the Duke of Wellington (Fry) just before he reveals his plan for defeating a flamboyant Napoleon Bonaparte (Simon Russell Beale), Blackadder steps out just long enough to steal the Duke's boots to win his bet.
One last attempt to set the dials right lands them at Hadrian's Wall in Roman Britain. The wall is being guarded by Blackadder's centurion ancestor, with a Roman-era Baldrick as his shield-carrier (reminiscent of Blackadder Goes Forth). After stealing the helmet of a Roman-era George, Blackadder and Baldrick escape just ahead of a charging wall of Braveheart-style Scotsmen wearing woad.
Back in the time machine, Blackadder is becoming more discouraged about ever going home, but Baldrick comes up with "a cunning plan". Baldrick mentions that dying men have their lives flash before their eyes and that, if Blackadder was about to drown, he might remember how the dials were originally set. Blackadder agrees with this, but instead almost drowns Baldrick in the time machine toilet. As Baldrick's life flashes before his eyes, he remembers how to set the dials to return home.
Back in 1999, the party guests are very impressed by his trophies, but due to Blackadder's interference with history, Robin Hood is completely unheard of, William Shakespeare stopped writing plays and is instead credited as the inventor of the ballpoint pen, and Britain has been ruled by the French for two hundred years following Napoleon's victory at Waterloo. Horrified by the sight of a traditional garlic pudding and Archdeacon Darling wearing a tutu and ballet slippers, Blackadder leaps back into the time machine, screaming, "We've got to save Britain!"
This is accomplished by encouraging Shakespeare, flattering Robin Hood, and preventing the death of the Duke of Wellington (presumably, Baldrick has now labeled the dials, making the machine more controllable). They then return home to collect Blackadder's winnings from the amazed partygoers. After Melchett comments what damage an "unscrupulous" person could do with a time machine, Blackadder perks up. He tells his friends to go upstairs and watch the New Year's festivities on television, assuring them he'll soon return. He and Baldrick set off again in the machine to put his "very, very, very cunning plan" into action.
The four guests sit down to watch the broadcast of the royals and the prime minister arriving at the Millennium Dome. Blackadder – now the absolute monarch King Edmund III – steps from a limousine and is joined by Prime Minister Baldrick. The King is married to the beautiful Marian of Sherwood (Kate Moss). BBC correspondent Jennie Bond gushes about the King's 98% approval ratings, the success of Baldrick's cabinet, and the dissolution of Parliament. The film ends with the Blackadders having finally triumphed, with their descendants having become the rulers of Britain and millennia from now, the ruler of the entire universe.
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Enjoy !!
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