Well here is part 1 of a sequel to Final Fantasy VII. Let's just say when reading this there was no Advent Children movie and that...also I made 1 or 2 new characters so here they are. (This story is half romance half adventure.

Blue XIII (I made a love for Red hehehe)


Age: (About a year younger than Red XIII)
Weapon: (Same as Red XIII)

Description: Apparently the same race as Red XIII, she is found unconsious but Bugenhagen brings her in and heals her. She is mainly oppisite of Red XIII in different ways. She is female, is better with magic than physical attacks.

I might add more later.....I hope it goes well... well I must warn all.

There is cursing in this story viewer descretion advised. (I always wanted to say that.)
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Prolouge:The Nightmare


"Aeris!!!" "Cloud.....i'm sorry" Cloud sees Aeris slowly fading away in the darkness. Cloud sheds tears seeeing her disappear, not able to do anything. Then the scene switches to when Sephiroth kills Aeris by stabbing her.
"Stop it.....I don't wanna see this..." Cloud says trying to avoid looking. Then the scene switches to where they dated at the Gold Saucer. "*sniff* Aeris, why did you have to die?" Then all the scenes kept repeating themselves over and over faster and faster.
"aaaaAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!" Cloud is twirling and sobbing. "Make it STOP!!!!!" Cloud suddenly woke up in a sweat. He sees it is already morning. "I can't take this anymore!" Cloud gets up, equips his Sword and Materia and checks out of Kalm Inn.

Is this a play or a story?

Plus..

This isnt very good..

Umm...it will get better I do the chapters seperate trust me it will get better. Oh yea i meant to say this is a prolouge

Can't say I'm gripped but mainly because I've no idea what's going on.

Set the scene a bit better and write a lot more. I love this sort of fan-fiction though!

Chapter 1: New Frontier


"Nanaki I have a surprise for you" The scene is in Cosmo Canyon and Red XIII was laying at the fire in the center. Bugenhagen came out to tell Red something. "What is it grandfather?" Bugenhagen yells "Blue come meet him!!!" A blue figure then walks down. Red thought it seemed familiar. "Uh...grandfather who is that?" The figure comes up to them. It had the same tattoos as Red, same race as well. "Hello i'm Nanaka otherwise known as Blue XIII pleased to meet you." Red XIII is shocked. "Grandpa...is she...." "Yes Nanaki she is your same race, Nanaka and you are the last of your race." "But I was a experiment, a creation by Hojo." Red replys. Bugenhagen says "Ah you are not a creation, you were a test subject of Hojo but you were not created. I found Nanaka outside the gates, close to death but I brought her here to heal." Blue XIII walked up to Red and said. "Well enough with the questions, let's go up to his lab amd talk some more." Red seemed pretty nervous when she came close but he nodded and they went up to the lab
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Back in Kalm, Cloud bought some items like potions. He was going to go see his friends. He could use some company after that nightmare he had. He thought "Was that really a nightmare? Or was it some sort of message trying to reach out to me." Well whatever the case, he decided to head to Nibelheim, where his childhood friend Tifa is. Cloud mumbles "It has been 2 years.....since I have seen them all." Cloud got set and headed out on the road to Junon, since Nibelheim is across sea.


(I will continue Chapter 1 in a little bit but I G2G)

Chapter 1 (Continued)


Meanwhile at the lab Blue asked Red "So you helped save the world from meteor." Blue XIII looked at him closely. "Well uh..I didn't do it alone I had friends help me." Red replied. "Hmm, you seem nervous. Why?" Red told her "Oh it's nothing. I'm just uh...stressed." Blue XIII asked why and Red answered. "Well....I don't really want to talk about it. Sorry." Blue nodded. "I understand, maybe some other time." Red saved himself as he was not only nervous about talking about Aeris's death but he was nervous about being around Blue XIII. (Ohh la lah.....)
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(about 4 days after trip Cloud got to Nibelheim. Tifa walked out and saw him.) "Cloud! You're here!" Tifa ran up to Cloud and gave him a hug. "I missed you so much...." "I know...." Tifa said "Let's head over to my house to talk, I have a feeling you didn't come here just to visit.

Chapter 2: Attacked

Tifa served Cloud some Eggs and Bacon and sat down with him.
"So Cloud, what bringed you back here?" Cloud stops eating and says "Well......I had a dream about all the times I had with Aeris and it kept overwhelming my mind I....I just couldn't take it. I decided seeing some friends of mine would calm my nerves." "....thanks, for coming back. I really missed you"


I gotta go in a min i'll finish later G2G

I always lose interests in stories if the writer cannot even spell the word "PROLOGUE".

Anyway, here's an advice. I suppose you've read a book before. You might have noticed that no author writes dialogues like this:

Meanwhile at the lab Blue asked Red "So you helped save the world from meteor." Blue XIII looked at him closely. "Well uh..I didn't do it alone I had friends help me." Red replied. "Hmm, you seem nervous. Why?" Red told her "Oh it's nothing. I'm just uh...stressed."

But rather like this:
Meanwhile at the lab Blue asked Red "So you helped save the world from meteor." Blue XIII looked at him closely.
"Well uh..I didn't do it alone I had friends help me." Red replied.
"Hmm, you seem nervous. Why?"
Red told her "Oh it's nothing. I'm just uh...stressed."

The way you write it, no reader can really tell WHO is talking. A new line whenever the speakers switches, that's the trick.

Punctuation is also a useful tool... Frankly, you should try to improve your writing skills. Greatly. If you want people to read your stuff, that is. Your writing style is boring, lifeless, and makes you look like you've never even read a book.

I suggest he sorts this out, or it gets closed, because no ones reading it, but it still stays on the board..

Let's not beat around the bush - you suck, never write again.
"So Cloud, what bringed you back here?" This did it for me.
"viewer descretion advised." This just finished me off.
"Prolouge" - roffle.

Also, Bugenhagen dies. Also, isn't the entire race of Red's people made up of red/white cat thingies? Not blue things? Oh, who cares, even if you're somehow correct it still is awful.

This tops of that thing that that guy thought he could turn into a real RPG. Or maybe it's about equal. I'm much less forgiving these days.

What do you honestly get out of putting other people down? Cloudmeister did have some grammar problems, but why use your knowledge of writing to help him improve rather than just tell him
Let's not beat around the bush - you suck, never write again.

Originally posted by Kyouto
What do you honestly get out of putting other people down? Cloudmeister did have some grammar problems, but why use your knowledge of writing to help him improve rather than just tell him What do I get out of it?
A brief laugh. Yes, I am a cruel, cruel man. Or just felt it at that particular moment.

Alright, let's be helpful.

- Read some books.
- Play the game through again and get your facts straight.
- Learn basic grammar, don't write for a while, get your language sorted.
- Learn narrative structure, and don't just write in bursts.
- Read some more books.
- Keep reading books.
- Stay in school.
- Don't write fanfiction. It's a lazy form of writing unless you build a lot of other characters and then insert them, rather than building them inside the world.
- Show, don't tell. Description is the key.
- Bring in some nazis. They usually do the trick.

Originally posted by mrmonkeyman

- Bring in some nazis. They usually do the trick.

It's sad but ture...think of the best writers out there...they always referred to nazi behavior....even before the nazi's came into existence. let's face it...a well rounded evil man, organization, or animal, makes people love the story...

You said: "I made it a point throughout the novel to not tell motivations, but try to show them."

And you did this because ... of those morons who told you "show don't tell"? Because motivation is unshowable. It must be told. (In fact, most things must be told.) The advice "show don't tell" is applicable in only a few situations -- most times, most things, you tell-don't-show. I get so impatient with this idiotic advice that has been plaguing writers for generations.

http://www.hatrack.com/writingclass/lessons/index.shtml

^ it's actually a pretty neat resource

Fuck that.
I hate being told everything about the goddamn character right up. I like to hear lots of crazy description of the things around them and get their perspective on life through that.

Then again, it is opinion.

I think it's a lot more reasonable to understand that there are situations which call for both- but I completely get his point, trying to tell people learning to write to "always show, don't tell" probably leads to more pointless frustration (or worse, elements of the story that just plain don't make sense) than anything else.

This was a failure because I just posted this without actually going over it. It's ok for a moderator to lock or take this one out i'll actually make a copy on Microsoft Words or something before I post this story

we generally don't lock things unless something's "wrong" with them- someone may want to criqitue it, or add to the discussion

Originally posted by Sarah
I think it's a lot more reasonable to understand that there are situations which call for both- but I completely get his point, trying to tell people learning to write to "always show, don't tell" probably leads to more pointless frustration (or worse, elements of the story that just plain don't make sense) than anything else. A fair point, actually. Advice shall be appended in future.

Ok but still this story is a failure i'll post the story back up when I got it worked out