Shadowstorm
06-08-2004, 02:30 PM
This is my first time posting my poem so please send me a message if you like it...Thankx
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
All alone on an abandoned street corner
A figure stands
Staring at the ground
Lost in thought

All alone they look up at the sky
Waiting for something, Anything
Nothing comes
but the rain

All alone a tear comes from their eye
but it is lost in the rain
slowly bringing their head down
No new tears will come

All alone no one is there to hear their soul crying
Or see how much pain they've been through
Nor is anyone there to see the rose that contained
the hope and love for the future

All alone they mourn the loss of someone loved

sk
06-10-2004, 09:05 AM

Shadowstorm
06-10-2004, 04:01 PM
its really hard to say....it was raining at the time (hence the rain) and the rain helps me think a lot. But really i dont know, i was just thinking...

OneWingedSephiroth
06-10-2004, 10:35 PM
its okay but it sound more like a part of a story.

Loki
06-10-2004, 11:22 PM
That's not really a poem.

I love how "gothic" people think that if they put a series of semi-sophisticated words about pain and heartache together that it is a poem.

Shadowstorm
06-11-2004, 01:56 AM
you do know poems do not have to rhyme......

Loki
06-11-2004, 11:59 AM
I'm not talking about rhyming, but your poem has no rhythm at all, and the words and lines do not even go together. You couldn't take a book, or a short story and call it a poem for the same reason. It has no rhythm or flow to it.

heavens_final_samurai
07-09-2004, 03:08 AM
i agree with loki. but im not saying that i dont like it. it is good but not a poem. but it is ok u got a good start. make it into a short story. it is set up perfectly.