i guess you read and criticize if you wish. thanks :D


[Meggy]

Turned on by golden sun
Eyes so full
I've been lost without you
Ages seperated by fate
And now it feels too late
But you waited
And you waited
For my selfish needs
But my heart bleeds
And you took note
Crystals swim by the ripples on the boat
Stars gather to be in your presence
I gaze when you enter the room
It feels like time travel
You look at me in slow motion
And your smile takes flight
It's midnight
And your arms are the best shelter
Lay down
And count the clouds out loud
It feels snowy
And blurry
But it feels like home
And I don't want to be alone
Without you
Fallen
Candles
Flame
Castles
It's all in my mind
And your lips are on mine
And it feels fine
I'm lost in time
Did you notice the scars?
That look like constellations on my heart
I'm bleeding into the sky
And if you let me borrow your tears
I know the rain would wash us away
And summer would warm these days
So stay close
And hold on tightly
This ride will not end
We are the answer
To everything innocent
And everythings arrogant
So chain me to your garden
I'll pick the flowers for you my dear
And if you say I can sleep
I hope it's here
I'll fall gently in the wind
Whenever you sing
My name
It's all a dream to you
Fantasy intwined with roots of love
But birds will cross oceans on a star

And tonight
I will close my eyes
And imagine you are here
Cliche are my words
But you cannot hear
Guitars weep in the background
And pianos hit the sad notes
Violins string along the gloomy sound
And the ocarina whistles the emotions I wrote
Like I deserve to be in the reflection of your star gazers
Shot down by loud lasers
And it's ok

But the sun has risen
To pronounce a new day
And all the unbloomed flowers start to sway
The wind picks up and cools the trees
Nightengales on the branches and pick at the leaves
And it feels like home
And I don't feel alone
I feel so grown
This decay of me
Has left empty
Today
Is a new day
Carpe diem
Is what I say
And now you look my way
And it feels green and yellow
Smiles never gave us such hope
March will be the anthem
Of the light's winning battle
And you and me
Will ride into the sunset
And it will feel like home
Wherever we shall live
Shall be our love
And nothing short of a good sleep
Will be a dream we cannot keep
For we wished upon our last star
Wished our best wish so far
And our last wish at that
If you promise
Well so do I
Together
I will vow
If you stop the bleeding
I will know how
To make you finally complete
And I promise
Cause you feel more than home to me






[The Unforgiving Forgiver]


Golden arch of my backs wounds and feathers
I turn around to match your beauty
But all signs point back to an inverse mirror
I stop the noise with a flutter of coughs and wings
The island looks safe to bury our dreams
I'll scribble an X over mine
And help you remember yours
But now love feels like a chore
And my eyes seem to blur
With every sip from this cup
I've left myself untied to the chain
And it's nothing like I promised
But I never promised I was good at keeping them
So now where do we stand
A broken down house and a gash in my hand
I tore my skin for you
I bled on all those memories
This atmosphere feels alone
And when the light is absent
Darkness spins it's web
I bet you still feel empty
And my thoughts don't count
Ceilings collapse on my emotions
But the powder steers my voice away
Every window I peer through seems to posess green fields
And each door I open slows the wheel for the yield
You know about moonlight
And the romanticism it leaks
It can fall onto our umbrella
If the rain chose to soak our hearts
Every word is like a sword
Piercing through my stomache
My lungs fill with dirt and sadness
But I still sleep akward with tangled blankets
Imagining you walk by my door
Your silouette taunts my gleamy eyes
And your smile haunts those creamy skies
The ones that kept us sleeping till the night
And will you approach me my love
Guilty like black on white up above
Come to me my dove
*When the sky wears the moon as it's pendant
I will be waiting for thee
Birds will fly as one
And never turn around
And circus' will stay funny
As long as there are clowns
So stop me now
Before my laughter
Turns into another silent chapter
My lonely book leads to no end
I feel lost and trapped as I scare wind
It falls and leaves between my feet
Carrying unspoking words so fast, like a battle stations elite fleet
But it will not travel in your direction
For your heart has carried you to someplace so cold
You've changed my dear
And now you've grown far too old
The summer will beckon new days to come
But now that you're gone, it lost it's warmth to some
I've lost my wings with three simple words
More than words but an empty sonnet carved in marbel
But I'll always marvel
At your beauty and grace
Even though
I will forever stay laced

*yes i stole that from FFix, but i assure you, everything else i write is mine and mine alone. thanxors

enjoy ;D

i only read the first one, but it was good. the only thing is, that it was fairly samey and the fact that many of the lines and verses amount to the same thing makes them seem a little cliqued, dettached and sometimes emotionless.
also it may be a good idea to play around with the format to give the poem more flow, for example 3 short ryming lines one after the other followed by a different ending on the next line stops it dead.
on the plus side you are great with words and create some really beautiful imagery. keep up the good work.

P.S.-take my advice as you will-i'm no expert

Originally posted by calmia
i only read the first one, but it was good. the only thing is, that it was fairly samey and the fact that many of the lines and verses amount to the same thing makes them seem a little cliqued, dettached and sometimes emotionless.
also it may be a good idea to play around with the format to give the poem more flow, for example 3 short ryming lines one after the other followed by a different ending on the next line stops it dead.
on the plus side you are great with words and create some really beautiful imagery. keep up the good work.

P.S.-take my advice as you will-i'm no expert

first off, thanks a lot for even commenting. and i will take your advice. i know my poems are probably too long and dragged out and need a lot of work, but I usually write what comes out of me at that moment, and barely ever change it. i'll see what i can do with this one.

thanks a lot for the compliments.

: D