Fizban
04-05-2004, 04:33 PM
Well, peeps, I'm new here, and my very first post here is a fiction, well part of it, anyway. So here goes:

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Ninja and Samurai, pt 1

�Another morning, another day with Cloud,� Yuffie muttered dismally. She was beginning to wonder if it was worth it. Cloud did have a lot of materia, but this was just stupid. Cloud also knew Yuffie wanted his materia, which also made the job that much harder. Also, she was beginning to hate Cloud. He was nice and all, but he wasn�t really all there, especially after she saw Cloud hand off the Black Materia to Sephiroth.
�Why do I keep doing this?� she asked herself while pulling on her clothes, �Why do I keep trying to steal Cloud�s materia, even though we passed by at least a dozen materia shops that would have been easy game.�
Once she finished getting dressed, Yuffie gazed down at the materia Cloud had �lent� her. Two red materia, summoning, four green materia, magic, and two yellow materia, command. She could leave right now with it if she wanted, but Cloud�s words echoed in her mind, �You can have them if you want, they�re just materia.�
�Yuffie! We�re going!� Barret�s deep baritone cut through her thoughts like a sharp knife.
�Yeah, ok!� She yelled back, �Just give me a few minutes to fix my hair!�
�We�re going, now!� Barret was in an obvious bad mood again, and he would probably start thinking he was the leader again, like usual.
�We�ll wait, and travel together,� Cloud�s calm voice cleaved the air far more easily then his Buster Sword, and quieted Barret down from a deafening roar, to just a roar.
�Damn spikey-ass always gets to play boss,� Barret muttered, his voice traveling easily into the room Yuffie stayed in, which she got for a reason. Ever since Aeris died, Tifa hasn�t been the same, she cried for two nights straight, which didn�t let Yuffie sleep at all. The Wutai ninja knew Tifa didn�t cry for Aeris, but for Cloud. The loss of the brown-haired healer really hurt him.
�I really hope someone cries for me when I�m hurt like that,� she sighed wistfully, brushing her short hair and watching her reflection in the mirror beside her bed.

Cloud sighed, and touched the pommel of his Buster Sword, like he did every time he was troubled. Tifa knew this, no one else did. What he was troubled about was fairly obvious, his mako-drenched blue eyes giving it all away. He wanted to be going, but he had to wait. He had to sit on his hands and wait for girls to make themselves pretty while Sephiroth, mass-murderer and wanna-be destroyer of the world moved forward with his plan.
�Yuffie,� Cloud started, �we really need to get going, every moment we wait, is another moment Sephiroth has on us.�
The door to Yuffie�s room burst open, and Yuffie stormed out, her expression livid. �Cloud Strife, don�t you ever tell a lady to hurry up when she�s brushing her hair! I�ll have you know that the finest female ninjas look better then-�
�You,� Vincent cut her off, his thin lips producing a very unnoticeable smile, unnoticeable to everyone, but Yuffie.
�You�ll die for that, Vampire!� Yuffie reached for her 5-point shuriken, which was still on her bed.
Vincent shrugged, his attention being drawn to something else, and wandered off, his red cape fluttering in his wake.
�Are we ready?� Cloud asked, his expression giving no clue to what he was thinking.

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More to come!

Loki
04-05-2004, 04:40 PM
Sort of amateurish, but a nice fanfiction thus far.

Also, love the username. Fizban is great, you should get a picture of him for your avatar.

Fizban
04-06-2004, 04:53 PM
You call me an amateur. Most likely because I forgot to proofread the first part before I posted it.

Here's part 2;
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Are we ready? the voice boomed in Sephiroth�s mind. He had not only complete control of Cloud, but also could see and hear everything Cloud did. When he meditated, like he did now, he could more clearly see through Cloud�s eyes, more clearly hear his voice. He pushed deeper towards the void of consciousness, and as he did, his samurai training told him he was surrounded by hostile enemies.
His eyes opened, and the brightness of the noonday sun nearly blinding him. He was indeed surrounded, but they were far from hostile, they were chocobos. He stood slowly, his bones tormented by the sudden movement, and the bipedal birds fled, leaving him to choke on their dust. His gaze fell to the Masamune, which was stabbed several feet into the ground beside him. The weapon that was made for him, the weapon that took the false Ancient�s life, the weapon that made him invincible, at least to normal fighters and mages.
His right hand grasped the pommel, then down to the hilt, and he drew if free from the ground. His eyes searched the blade, and he saw it. The rust-colored stain near the tip, left there when he killed Aeris. As hard as he tries, he simply couldn�t remove the stain, which irritated him greatly. During the Wutai Wars, he had killed a thousand, and the blade shimmered like it was freshly forged.
He pushed the sword into its scabbard, the sound calming him and strengthening his resolve. He couldn�t idle away, he had to continue moving, towards the Northern Crater. He knew Cloud would follow, he had to. Cloud, now, was his nemesis, his equal. The thought of a true battle against one that is skilled sent a shiver of anticipation through Sephiroth. All it needed was that one last battle, that he knew he would win, and true godhood would be his.
Smiling to himself he began moving, his mind now acutely aware of what Cloud was thinking.

�Why am I the leader?� Cloud said to himself as he stared over the railing of the deck of the Highwind, the landscape moving so far down below.
�Because you think of what you�re going to do next,� Yuffie was crouched on the far side of the deck, a hint of green on her face, �I came up here to get some fresh air�didn�t help things.�
�The fresh air just makes the feeling worse, I know,� Cloud sighed, his right hand touching the pommel of the Buster Sword.
Yuffie stared at the ground for a few moments, holding down the urge to vomit, and looked up at Cloud, speculatively. �Why do you keep me on when I steal your materia?�
Cloud was waiting for this, he knew it was coming since he had forgiven her when she stole all of the group�s materia and gil, then beelined for Wutai. At this moment, though, he didn�t have anything to say about it, and took some moments to say anything.
�Yuffie,� Cloud started, suddenly realizing that he was doing the �leader� thing again, �you�ve helped us out a great deal, and you�re a friend. That�s why we keep you around., even though you try to steal our materia.�
�I would�ve gotten away with it,� Yuffie stated calmly.
�No you wouldn�t,� Cloud smiled faintly, remembering easily that it took none other then Don Corneo to catch her. �I mean even Don Cor-�
�Shut up!� she yelled, her shrill teenage voice drowning out Cloud�s voice, �I don�t want to hear that.�
�Well, what about the time we caught you and Vincent in the Highwind�s bathroom-�
�No! We were not doing that,� her tone grew serious.
�Whatever,� Cloud shrugged, his gaze going to the quickly moving landscape below.

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More to come! :E

Loki
04-06-2004, 05:25 PM
Interesting. This part seems to be written a bit better than the first. Some of the punctuation is wrong and some dialogue doesn't sound just right, but most is pretty good.

It wasn't meant as an insult when I said the writing was amateurish. It's constructive criticism, just trying to help you become a better writer.

Wattson
04-07-2004, 02:47 AM
Good..

However, the use of already made and developed characters is quite hindering, because if you change their personalities too much then the fans will coomplain and not want to read this, so you're stuck in a narrow path.

or, it could just be that they are just coincedentally named the same, had the same events happen, and are from the airship.

Just my two cents. Feel free to ignore what I said, though.