I started this story over the summer, its a humorous fanfic about strange goings on Destiny Islands. Everything ties in with...everything, so its not all that random crap...well, somtimes.

Yes i did finish it, 8 whole chapters. :D

Riku on a segway? Naah.

Chapter 1 - Heaaaaaaaaaaat.

It was a beautiful day on Destiny Islands, what more could you want? A heat wave struck the three teenagers like a hobo on a CHEESE sandwich.

Sora: It�fs so hot; I think that my skin is so burned you could use it as sand paper.

Kairi: *peels* my table needs a little sanding down, Sorry if it hurt.

Sora: Don�ft feel sorry, I�fm too numb to feel pain. Hey look, is that what I think it is?

Kairi: I�fm not sure; most of my eye has burned right out my head from staring at the sun too long.

Sora: Are we going to die?

Kairi: Pretty much.

Sora: The after life better have air conditioning.

Riku: Could I say something?

Sora: You�fre still alive? We thought you passed out after the heat hit 110F. Kairi poked you for a few hours.

Kairi: I got a got a great work out from it, feel my biceps, go on.

Riku: Don�ft make me get up, please.

Sora: Fine, then drown, the tides coming in by the way.

Kairi: Tide? Hey! That rhymes with ice cold air.

Sora: Oh no we�fre losing her.

Riku: What should we do?

Sora: Let�fs just dump her into the ocean.

Riku: I think that�fs called murder.

Sora: Not if she stays above the water.

Riku: You have a point there.

*Kairi starts to get up*

Sora: *GASP*

Riku: Did she just�cs-stand up?

Sora: Wow, and in this heat, she must be like wonder women, no, even better. Wonder Women.

Riku: Err, I think the extra energy is from her insanity.

Kairi: WWAAAARRRKK!!!!!!

Sora: Well I�fve had it.

Riku: Sora�c.help�c.she�fs nibbling on my beautiful hair.

Sora: Chocobo Syndrome!!

Riku: *gas�c.hey Kairi I�fm trying to gasp here.

Kairi: Nyuh�c*stops*

Riku: *GAAAAASSSSSSSPPPP�c..UGH *faints *

Sora: Wow, Kairi is acting like a Chocobo and Riku gasped so much he fainted. It�fs a small world after all.

*Sora gets a plank and knocks Kairi out�c.then hits Riku on the head whiles he�fs unconscious *

*At the secret place where Sora has a whip and Kairi and Riku are tied to a rock*

Sora: Wake up *snaps whip*

Riku: Wha...Hey It must be my....but why are you in it Sora?

Sora: This was the only thing that I thought off the top of my mind to cure you.

Kairi: Choco-choco WARK!!!

Riku: That didn�ft even make sense. -_-

Sora: SILENCE!!! *snaps*

Kairi: Nuyaaaaiii!!!! *starts to peck at Riku*

Riku: Cure her pleeeaaassseee!!!!!!

Sora: Very well, now then Kairi, what is my name?

Kairi: WAAARRRKKK!!

Sora: *snaps* wrong!

Kairi: Nyuh!!!!

Sora: Nope.

Kairi: I�fll buy a vowel.

Sora: Almost had it there.

*Kairi starts to peck at the ropes*

Riku: Oh no she�fs trying to escape, or should we say, A jail bird.

Sora: How does she do that?

Kairi: NYWWWAAIIIEE!!!

*Kairi escapes*

Riku: Uh-oh.

Sora: Did she escape?

Riku: We must capture her or else everyone shall be emotionally scarred.

Sora: I wonder if he clothes will stay on.

Riku: *snaps whip*

Sora: �c.I�fm going to bed.

*Meanwhile Kairi is madly running around on all fours and Selphie, Tidus and Wakka were simply�c.staring.*

Selphie: How come UltimaWeapon didn�ft mention us till now?

Tidus: What are we? Chopped Liver?

Wakka: Mmmm, liver.

Kairi: WARK!!

Selphie: Um, Kairi, girlfriend, are you okay.

Kairi: chocochocochocbho BO BO!!!

Tidus: I think the heat drove her stupid.

Wakka: Yeah, look at her little drool coming from her mouth and her glazed look on her face.

Kairi: O_O

*Kairi pokes Selphie and warks�cyet again*

Selphie: Ow! Stop that. Now what do you say?

Kairi: �c�c.*slaps Selphie so fast it�fs as if it never happened*

Selphie *gasp* did you just hit me?

Kairi: *slaps*

Selphie: I�fm going to tell your mom if you�c *Kairi slaps*

Kairi: Nyuh!!!

Selphie: Waaaaaaah. *Kairi slaps yet again*

Tidus: Should we do something?

Wakka: Nah,mon. Its my fantasy acting in front of my very eyes.

Tidus: Well I�fm a gentleman and I�fm going to tell Kairi to stop.

Wakka: But Kairi is a girl aswell.

Tidus: �c�c�c�c�c�c�c�c�c�c�c.Selphie�fs screwed big time.

*5 minutes later of Kairi slapping Selphie and Selphie doing nothing about it�c*

*Sora and Riku get back to beach*

Sora: Uh oh, Kairi has her 2nd victim.

Riku: Who was her first?

Sora: You.

Riku: Ah.

Sora: Kairi! Stop slapping Selphie�cwhoa; Selphie you better put some ice on your face. It�fs like a balloon, a bleeding balloon O_O;

Selphie: Sora!! Make her *Kairi slaps*

Riku: Omg, that�fs the problem with girls like you, you just stand there and let yourself get slapped around like some�c *Kairi slaps Riku*

Tidus: Uh oh, Riku isn�ft allowed to hit a girl, so he can�ft defend himself�c.Wakka?

Wakka: ZzZzZzZzZz.

Tidus: Wake up stupid.

Wakka: Huh? Why�fd you wake me up? I was dreaming about a dream that I had a dream about me sleeping.

Riku: Sora do something

Kairi: *slaps*

Sora: Err�c.um�c�c THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

Everyone: Wtf?

Sora: I�fm not sure either. Quick! Everyone grab Kairi and make sure she doesn�ft get away!

Kairi: *zooms*

Selphie: Wow she runs fast, Ow, my face!! *cries all the way home.*

Riku: Sora, if only you would have thrown her into the ocean, none of this would have happened.

Sora: Yeah and Kairi sure did a number on your hair.

Riku: Wha...*has a bold patch on his head* omg�c.you know what Sora, I think I�fm going to lie down until my hair grows back.

Sora: Yeah you do that. Now to find a way to get Kairi. Who�fs with me?!?!?!?!

*cricket chirps*

Goofy: I�fm with you Sora!!!

Sora: �c

Goofy: Oh right, haven�ft been introduced yet *vanishes*

Sora: Now let�fs see, Chocobo�fs like to eat�c.green things I suppose. Maybe some kelp and some old meatloaf.

*sets up a trap for Kairi*

Sora: There she is, now, once she sees the green food a big box will fall on top of her and she shall be owned by moi.

Kairi: Waaarrrkk!!! *pokes Sora*

Sora: WHA!! Oh um�cH-hi yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!

*Kairi drags Sora around the island*

Riku: *still waiting for hair to grow back*

Tidus and Wakka: *acting like gentleman and not helping a single bit*

Chapter 2 - Kairi recovers



Sora: Ack!! There�fs no way outta this mess, this whole island has been torn apart by this heat, this wretched heat! Why it can�ft just leave us alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

�c�cWow, Its one of those anime moments where someone screams there head off all dramatic-like and a miracle happens�clets find out.

Sora: *looks up at the sky* Wha? It�fs kind of cold all of a sudden. Haha! It�fs snowing everybody! Snowing I tells you! Snowing�c. Ahhhh!! *Sora gets a snowflake in his eye* get it out its freezing me eye!!...oh never mind it melted.

Kairi: Choco-choco�c�c? *Kairi drops to her feet*

Sora: K-Kairi? You�fre not crazy anymore! Woo hoo!

Kairi: �c.I feel so cold�c.. *falls asleep*


Sora: I�fll take you to your room�c..oh man you�fre heavy.

Kairi: What�fs that suppose to mean?!

Sora: Nothing�c.Riku help me here.

Riku: Nu-uh, still waiting for hair.

Sora: But.

Riku: HAIR FIRST!

Sora: Okay, Yeesh.

*the next day*

*Sora comes into Kairi�fs bedroom with soup*

Sora: Hi, I bought vegetable soup.

Kairi: Thank you�cbut aren�ft you supposed to give someone chicken soup when they have a cold?

Sora: Erm�cwe ran out of chickens�c.hey I bought you some crackers.

Kairi: Still snowing outside?

Sora: Yup. I hope you get better. Then we can go outside and play in the snow.

*Sora walks out the bedroom and goes outside*

Kairi: Wait!!...you walked out with my soup! Hey come back�c.whaa! *falls off the bed*

Sora: Wow what a fright it was last night. *sips soup* Mmmm, crackers.

*notices Riku is still on the floor with snow covering him up*

Sora: *sips soup* So how do you go to bathroom?

Riku: �c. Could you help me up? My pants are frozen to the floor.

Sora: Sorry but I have this delicious hot soup in my hands. *walks off*

Riku: No wait! How am I supposed to get up?

Sora: Take off your pants.
Riku: �c.Sora, its 25F cold, you really expect me to walk across the island to my house in my underwear?

Sora: Pretty much so.

Riku: T_T

*15 minutes later*

Riku: No one is in sight, now is my chance.

*Riku gets out of his pants which are now permanently stuck to the floor. Hides behinds trees and rocks so as not to get caught.*

Riku: Oh crap, there�fs nothing to hide behind from here to my house. Better to make a dash for it.

Selphie: Hi!

Riku: Eeep! Where did you just pop out from?

Selphie: Well my cheeks are better now, time to get revenge on Kairi. The B******

Riku: Whoa! You called Kairi a Biscuit. Well I better be off.

Selphie: Yeah, by the way, nice underwear Riku. *giggles*

Riku: Eeeep! *runs off*

Selphie: I have the greatest plan to scare Kairi out of her mind. Muhahahahaha!

Tidus: Yeah while you�fre there, get us some chips.

Wakka: Yeah, we�fre being gentleman by not getting up at all.

Selphie: >_>;


Chapter 3 - The madness has begun!!!!!!


*meanwhile, Sora was sitting on the frozen beach looking at the sky*

Sora: Brrr, its cold, so cold�c.hmmm. *throws soup into the air* Woo hoo it froze in mid-air!

Uknown: I have come to see this world.

Sora: Yeah nice try Ansem, fooled me once, shame on you, fooled me twice, shame on�cyou.
Uknown : Tied, to the darkness.

Sora: *slaps head* fine, fine, if it�fll make you shut up. �gWhat are you talking about? Well, who are you?�h

Uknown: Soon all will be revealed.

Sora: �gWell whoever you are, stop freaking me out like this,huh?�h *Sigh* such happy memories.

Uknown: I�fm a fish, idiot.

Sora: Fish? Where?

Fish: Up here HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHE!!! *giant fish appears in the sky.*

Sora: OMG!! *screams then runs away*

Fish: Fish gonna eat you, fish gonna eat you! *disappears*

Sora: Wha?.....Uh-oh, I�fm starting to space out here. O_O Whoa, I can feel the colors, lalalalalalala.

Riku: Sora, wake up!

Sora: Huh? *wakes up and realizes he fainted in the cold and is on the floor*

Riku: I saw you in the snow; you were talking about giant Ansem fish and feeling colors.

Sora: I was?

*behind the rocks*

Selphie: Ahahaha, they might think of me as the ditsy hyper little girl, but they won�ft realize what�fs in store for them, MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! This is CNN.


*10 minutes later*

Wakka: Is Selphie bringing our food?

Tidus: No

Wakka: Ah, ok.


Sora: Gee, I wonder if Kairi is alright, I mean with that cold and all, who knows what might happen to her!



*Sora dashes to Kairi�fs rescue*

Sora: DON�fT WORRY! I�fLL�csave�cyou.

*Kairi is asleep*

Sora: Great, I ran for no reason�cbut wait. For ALL I know one minute she�fs asleep the next she�fs starts floating around the room, throwing up and turns into this sickening evil creature who has such a potty mouth!....man I hated that movie. *shakes head* But I must make sure that never happens!!!

*a few minutes later Kairi slowly wakes up and notices Sora hold a cross, some garlic and a steak to her face*

Kairi: Sora have you lost you�fre mind?!!?!?

Sora: �c.

Kairi: Obviously you have.

Sora: I must do it in order to save everybody else! *grabs the steak*

Kairi: You�fre crazy!!

Sora: No I�fm not; I�fm selling this stuff �c.. a dollar fifty altogether.

Kairi: Do you have change for a $100?

Sora: THE MADDNESS HAS BEGUN!! *shoves Kairi into an ordinary brown bag*

Kairi: -_-

Chapter 4 - Would you like to save?


Sora: Now to hide the evidence!

*drags bag outside and notices Tidus and Wakka sitting outside*

Tidus: Hey, where�fd you get that cool looking brown bag?

Sora: Internet.

Tidus: Ah, ok, Wakka, remember to tell Selphie to buy some Internet.

Wakka: OK!


*Tidus and Wakka watch Sora drag the big brown bag*

Tidus: What do you think is in that attractive brown bag?

Wakka: Attractive? O.o

Tidus: Yeah, it reminded me of Kairi.

Wakka: Right. I�fm not sure�cyou think it�fs something cool?

Tidus: Probably.

Wakka: Let�fs follow Sora then�c?

Tidus: *from a distance* Hurry up!

Wakka: >_<

*meanwhile, night time is upon Destiny Islands and Selphie is up to no-good*

Selphie: *sees Riku staring at the stars* What are you doing?

Riku: They�fre coming�cfor us.

Selphie: Who?

Riku: The little black men of course.

Selphie: Either that was a racist comment or you�fre kwazy.

Riku: No, I�fm telling the truth, see. I was asleep in the secret place and I saw a little black creature with BIG glowing eyes.

*Square-Enix headquarters*

Employee: Um, how did Riku find out about the heartless?

Nomaru: I�fm not sure, re-program the game and make sure the glitch never comes up.

Employee: Right.

*Meanwhile*

Kairi: You�fve got to let me out some time you know.

Sora: Nah, the bag�fs material is breathable.

Kairi: Okay then�cwait a second.

Sora: Time to release the evil spirit that has captured your sweet essence�cKairi?

Kairi: *on the island* Sora! Sorry but, well, I have to go home now, have fun on the boat!

Sora: Okay!!

*Kairi walks off*

Sora: Gee, it�fs kind of getting cloudy�c*boat stops* what the?

*The boat won�ft get any further*

Sora: Either there�fs something wrong with my eyes or there�fs some invisible wall�ca few feet from the shore?! *sighs then walks back to the shore through the obviously shallow waters*

*It starts to rain*

Sora: Time to hide inside the little shelter.

*Shelter*

Sora: Whoa! I�fve never seen this before, it looks like a glowing circle! Should I touch it.. *gasp* it must be the transporter to the evil spirit that has possessed Kairi!! But I must!

*steps onto the circle and it starts to glow and feels a warm feeling*

Sora: *Sigh* This isn�ft so bad�c

Circle: Would you like to save?

Sora: *screams*


Chapter 5 - Ninja Bunnies!!!

Circle: Would you like to save?

Sora: The pain�cthe pain�c*curls up in a ball*

Riku: Hey Sora ever been in a warm shower then the water went real cold? *disappeared*

Sora: Well that was random.

Riku: Nah, I�fm really am here.

Sora: But it�fs raining like mad.

Riku: Yeah, I dodged ever drop.

Sora: Wow you did.

Riku: Yup.

Sora: So now what?

Riku: Wait a minute, this is a test.

Sora: Ooo, are you going to make a high pictched sound for 60 seconds?

Riku: No, well that would be fun. Okay! *beep*

Sora: This is boring, I�fm going outside.

Riku: I�fll stay here.

Sora: Suite yourself, oh and Riku, watch out for the ninja bunnies.

Riku: N�c.n�c�cn�c..n�c.inja�c..b-

Sora: See ya! *closes door*

Riku: Ninja bunny? Mother told me about the invasion of the bunnies, I must use this shelter to form a base where I shall be safe. But wait! What about the others? I must go and rescue them.

*Meanwhile*

Tidus: I do believe it is raining.

Wakka: Indeed it is.

Tidus: Selphie still hasn�ft brought us our meals.

*Selphie in dark gothy cloths*

Selphie: You rang?

Wakka: Selphie, you�fre looking bitchy.

Tidus: Bitchy indeed.

Selphie: Thank you, now then, would you gentlemen follow me.

Wakka: Oh no, we�fre not moving until you bring us our meals!

Selphie: Yeesh, you sound like my grandparents.

Tidus: I�fll have the lobster.

Selphie: (my darkness is weary, I must steal a heart) We don�ft have lobster.

Tidus: But we live on a beach! There has to be lobster in the ocean somewhere.

Selphie: Well I don�ft see any.

Tidus: Fine fine�ccaviar.

Selphie: *sigh*

Wakka: Oh! I�fll have a burger!

Selphie: Fine. Whatever. But in return you have to give me your hearts.

Wakka: See Tidus? I told you she had a crush on me.

Tidus: The Wakka charm works again.


Chapter 6 - Evil Crow!

Selphie: Not that. *sigh* Just follow me.

Tidus: Are you taking us to the kitchen of many foods?

Selphie: Err, sure. (Muhahahahaha, my plan is working)

*Tidus and Wakka follow the strangely demented Selphie, meanwhile�c*

*Kairi�fs bedroom*

Kairi: *sigh* I think that nap did some good, I feel well enough to get up

Sora: *behind the curtain* DON�fT GET UP!

Kairi: What are you doing behind the curtain?

Sora: *hisses*

Kairi: �cokay�c

Sora: I was protecting you from the evil spirits.

Kairi: What evil spirits?

Sora: They�fre dark evil creatures�cI see them at night�c I must protect you!

Kairi: Okay Sora, enough with the craziness.

Sora: Who said I�fm crazy?! I�fm not crazy! Ha ha ha! *Laughs insanely*

Kairi: O_O; I think I�fm going to go outside

*Kairi walks out the bedroom and leaves Sora laughing there eerily*

*Meanwhile, Riku, where ever the hell he is, notices an odd bird on the shack*

Riku: What the? Oh hello little black�ccrow.

Crow: �c O_O o_o O_O o_o O_O o_o O_O

Riku: EVIL!!!!

Crow: *hiss*

Riku: *runs away*

*Another random moment with The Brady Bunch�cI mean Riku*

Kairi: I wonder where Riku is. *walks around on the pier*

Riku: Pssssssssst.

Kairi: Is that you Riku? Where are you?

Riku: Look up.

Kairi: �c Why are you hanging from that tree wearing total black in a Mission Impossible fashion?

Riku: It is my destiny to save us from the shadows.

*Square-Enix*

Director: HE KNOWS!!!!

Everyones: *panics*

Kairi: Right. Well why you don�ft come down from there.

Riku: My pocky got stuck in the tree. Why else would I be hanging like this?

Kairi: *sigh*

Riku: Oh. Not a believer huh? Well you go on your little way, be warned, for when the clock strikes 12, the spell is off and you�fll be turned back into your rags�c I mean�c I don�ft need you!

Kairi: Whatever. *walks off*

Riku: No! Wait! Not again! Help me doooown!

*The odd bird lands on Riku�fs head*

Crow: O_O o_o O_O o_o O_O o_o O_O

Riku: Waaaaah.


Chapter 7 - Segway blade

*Riku wiggles out of the tree*

Riku: Yes! My pocky survived! The Riku luck works aaaaaggaaaiiiiin.

Crow: Where�fs the cream filling?

Riku: *screams*

*Riku starts to step back as the crow is staring with its big black eyes*

Riku: Get away from me! *grabs a stick and throws it at the bird*

Crow: Where�fs the cream filling?

Riku: Please�c stop it�c

Crow: Where�fs the cream filling?

Riku: What are you talking about?

Crow: You will die in 7 hours.

*The crow flies off*

Riku: Y-yeah! You fly off! You dumbass buzzard!

*something lands on Riku�fs head*

Riku: *cries*

*Meanwhile*

Selphie: Now then, was it the corn flakes or the rice crispies you asked for?

Wakka: Corn flakes!

Tidus: I like my eggs sunny side up.

Selphie: Okay but I�fll have to�cwait�cwhat am I doing?! *flips table upside down*

Wakka: *gulp* I think I wet myself.

Tidus: Nah, the glass of water spilled on your pants.

Wakka: Ah.

Selphie: Enough! Now then, be good little boys and come to me. *laughs evilly*

*meanwhile*

*Sora�fs room*

Sora: *sigh* what a wild 20 pages this was. I�fm so tired. *sleeps*

*30 minutes later*

Sora: *eyes closed* is someone there? I�fm trying to sleep.

Heartless: *babble*

Sora: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

*Outside*

Riku: *gasp* that sounds like Sora!

Crow: Don�ft you think you should dry up?

Riku: Yeah, I stayed in the shower a little too long�cwait a minute *grabs crow*

Riku: You�fre going to stay in the freezer until I see why Sora was screaming like a baby.

Crow: Yeah go you son of a�c*freezer door closes*

*Sora�fs room*

Riku: *gasp* what�fs going on?

*heartless are everywhere and Selphie is floating above the ground while Sora, Kairi, Wakka and Tidus are on the floor motionless*

Selphie: Welcome to my lair, Care for some tea? It�fs�ctingly.

Riku: What�fs going on here?!


Chapter 8 - THE eNd!!!
Selphie: Oh it�fs so simple really. *Falls on the floor* Crap! Stupid heartless, this time, keep the lines still. *attaches string and floats back up*
Now then, I plan to take over ALL the worlds. With the help of the darkness. Thanks to the help of Ansem.

Riku: Ansem? That fish Sora was dreaming about?

Selphie: Ack. Nevermind. In order for my darkness to maintain, I must have your heart! Heartless, after him!

Riku: Aaaaaaahhhh!!!!

*suddenly, a blinding light fills the room and an echoing voice booms �gUse the segway�h *

Riku: The Segway? Oh! Is this some legendary weapon to defeat evil?

Voice: No, just escape using it.

Riku: Well I�fm not going to run away this time, I ran away from dozens of things, but this time I�fm not going run away this time *grabs Segway and whacks Selphie so hard she falls out of the window and falls*

Selphie: �c

*all the heartless disappear*

Riku: S-Selphie? Are you okay?

Selphie: �c

Riku: Uh-oh.

Selphie: �c

Riku: *gulp*

*everyone else in the room wakes up*

Sora: What happened?

Kairi: I feel so tired.

Wakka: Yeah. What happened to our meals?

Tidus: ZzZzZzZz

Riku: You know *holds Segway* Let�fs go play hero�c Oh man! This is heavy!

*everyone looks out the window*

Riku: What happened to Selphie?

Everyone: Meh.

*heartless appears in the corner of the room when everyone was gone*

Neo-Heartless: *evil voice* It�fs not over yet. > : )

***Later***

Riku: I wonder what�fs in the fridge. Oh it�fs you.

Crow: Why�cyou�clittle�c

Riku: You know, I�fm WAS going to run you under hot water, but now I�fm just going to throw you into the ocean.

Crow: NOOOOOOO!!!


~~~Riku On a Segway2 Coming Soon~~~


I hoped you enjoyed it (yes it did have a plot...find it) and had many laughs. Segway 2 coming soon!!